19th July 2007

I found the love of my life on 19th Jul 2007.


Ziv's birthday. My precious little one.

Picture taken in the hospital. He looks just like Kevin.

On Labour

I have a trumatic labour. On 18th of Jul, I admitted to hospital for induce, I waited 24 hours before my cervx actually dilated. Thereafter followed by a 12 hour labour. I tell myself, there is no way I am going through the same thing another time. What makes things worse is the anesthetist, attempted to administer epidural 6 times. Shit. At that moment in time, Kevin feels like struggling her. Cause the pain is definitely unbearable!


Juandice


Ziv had juandice and he only returned home today. Which is why I am free to blog today. Everyday is a terrible day to me, seeing my baby in the hospital under UV light. It hurts me deeply, especially when he cries under the light. I didn't really confine myself to home, in fact, I travel to church (pray) and hospital and back to church (thanksgiving) for several nights, sometimes, even 1am, 2am in the morning. Cause Kevin and myself missed him too much.

I keep telling myself, what is a home, when there is no Ziv around? Everyday I live in fear that his juandice level rises. Although some may say that jaundice is common among babies, but the thing is, his level is really high and doctors keep introducing medical jargons like 'blood exchange', 'blood incompatibility'. Those words are enough to drive me crazy and gave me sleepless nights. The blood group of myself and Kevin is B+ and somehow, amazingly, Ziv's bloodgroup is O+. It is considered quite rare that Ziv actually created his own blood group! Think this little rascal wants to be different from his mum and dad. We were so afraid that this is a contributing factor to his jaundice cause there is a possibility.

Anyway, we are so glad that he is back home, but still, we need to bring him to polyclinic for another round of test tomorrow. Aye... another pressurized day tomorrow. Somehow, I know our strong boy will be a healthy boy.


On Weight


My weight plunged rapidly. Could be the stress of not having Ziv at home. I gained 8 kg and I lost around 7kg now. Still looking forward to more weight loss. But I didn't really watch my diet, because, I got no mood to do so, I just eat whatever the confinement lady cooks for me.

My tummy is almost flat now. Even the nurses were amazed and security guard thought I was a visitor and not a mother. I don't know how it happened, but I remembered something which Kevin said immediately after the baby came out. He whispered to me, "Your stomach is flat leh. So Good!" I almost fainted after the delivery, and yet he noticed such thing. Hahaha....


Right now, I just look forward to everyday spend with Ziv, I am learning to be a 'professional' mother. :)

“Waiting” is the hardest thing

It's 2am now. Just returned home from a 3-hour prawining session @ Bishan. We had quite a good catch today, managed to catch a few GIANT prawns.


Anyway, back to the topic of waiting...


Have been waiting for the arrival of my baby boy since 7 July 07. Was quite disappointed when my gynae told me I wasn’t ready for birth induction on 3 July. Will be visiting gynae again later today and hopefully, she can give me good news.

To wait for something to happen is so tiring, every thing seems so uncertain. Kevin can’t even make plans for his appointments. He accompanies me at home everyday.

Anyway, instead of staying at home to wait for ‘something’ to happen, we went to Suntec Koshinbo for dinner today. The dinner was not bad, especially the desserts. After that, we went to “Build-a-bear workshop”. Guess what? I made a bear for my baby boy.

I heard of this make-your-own-bear concept long ago from Hong Kong, but did not have the chance to explore.

We have to go through different ‘stages’ to make our own bear, the first station was to choose a bear, followed by filling it up, giving the bear a heart, making a wish and implant heartbeats into the bear (optional). After which, you will bring your bear for a fur bath and then, choose outfits for your bear. I must say that the outfits are quite limited; I have a hard time finding a decent outfit.

This is my bear, I named it Ziv Jr. Actually I wanted to name it Ziv Heng (my boy’s name), but Kevin insisted that baby is baby, bear is bear. Wonder why he is so particular about names. Anyway, here, we've got Ziv Jr.



He looks like an executive… kekeke… I thought the dressing was very Kevin style. The shoes looks like they are from Timberland.

Final stage, is the most meaningful stage, that is certificate generation. See, this is our bear’s certificate. We even indicate that the bear was stuffed by Kevin and Celeste.



The bear was finally packed in a box. Interesting huh…



The bear costs around $60, but I think its quite worth it especially it is our boy's first toy.


Hope to have good news from my gynae tomorrow, cos I simply CAN'T WAIT.

Don't look for me, I'm on maternity leave...

How do people spend their maternity leaves?

Breastfeeding? Attending crying baby? Lying on bed? Stare at the ceiling? Cleaning soiled nappies? Scratching oily hair scalps?

Me? I watched tv, play mahjong, xbox, tour buffet lines and yes, went for some short retail therapies.

Don't assumed that i've delivered. In fact, i'm about a week plus away from delivery. Some people wondered why I applied maternity leave a wk plus in advance and even requested for induce delivery, some even questioned me. I wonder how can I politely tell them this, without being too defensive. My original respond was, "I don't feel like working, cos i'm lazy and I need to have some peace... You know, QUIET, PEACE, TRANQUIL!!! before the little one comes out. I have got 3 long months of break, do you think it bothers me to 'waste' a week plus of leave to stay out of work and to run away from 'kong kam' (pardon me, its hokkien) from work?! It is definitely worth it!"

Anyway, being a 'polite' and 'demure' person, I replied, 'I'm giving birth soon.(with a motherly expression)' That's it, no 'due date' given.

On delivery, the process, the pain, the horror stories of giving birth or even the hospital ghost stories did not freak me out or make me wet my leggings. I deemed I was unknowingly trained during the 9 months that I can't bother how or when the baby is going to come out of my bump. As long as he comes out safe and sound, i'm RELIEVED. I sounded like an irresponsible mother, did I?

Guys will never understand the 'inconvenient' of being pregnant especially during the last trimester. I still consider myself lucky that the whole 9 months was quite a breeze to me. Its just the sleepless nights and toilet crawls @ that is driving me nuts.

Some people told me the tiring part is not about giving birth, its the part where I've to wake up @ night to attend to baby's crying. Seriously, I don't mind that kind of suffering cause I can always share the 'load' with Kevin. I think its time to let him take on the role as a father since I headstart 9 months being a mother. I always tell him this with glistening eyes, "I can't wait for us to suffer together, rather than I suffering alone (being pregnant)."

Right now, I typing this on my bed with SCV showing on TV and its time for a nap soon... And opps... Its only 5pm... *yawn*

Who wants to work in office when you can enjoy these moments alone at home without having to yearn for the arrival of Fridays and frowned at the nearing of Mondays? Not me!

Motherhood

I try to suppress my mixed feelings of depression, excitement and anxiety for the past 5 months. I think its time for me to express them in my blog.

I am pregnant.

1st Month

I still can recall my first month. I was really terrified, petrified, depressed and felt hopeless! I started wondering how I will look like 9 months down the road. The more I think about it, the more I feel depressed.

Questions keeps surfacing in my mind,

What will happen to my waistline?
Can I still wear my favorite skinny jeans?
Will my face be bloated?
Will I have pimples?
The worst of all, I think I will be overweight as the months go by.

2nd Month

I found myself a gynae through some recommendation at KK, The Private Suite. Many friends of ours wondered why we opted for KK, cause, they knew that we are ‘brand conscious’ and would probably choose Mount E or some other private hospitals. Somehow, our mentality changes. We want the best for our baby. And yes, KK being the most well-equipped government hospital is our only choice, we don’t care about hospitals marketing gimmicks such as candle-light dinner after delivery, or sweet-talking gynaes. We just want a well-equipped hospital for our baby. Suddenly, both Kevin and I thought, “Have our mentalities started to change?”

During the 2nd month, I was still very much depressed and lost. Seeing a slight change in my waistline is enough to drive me crazy and extreme diet plans started to emerge in my mind. But for the sake of the little one in my stomach, I have to abolish the thoughts of dieting and continue to see my body changes. No one will understand the kind of pain, to watch something happen and nothing can be done. I became more stabilized when I went for my ultrasound scanning.

First scanning, I saw my baby’s heart beating. I told myself, I have to be strong to go through the whole 9 months, because the beating heart tells me that my baby really wants to come into this world, and I should not have other thoughts about not wanting it. Second scanning, I was more determined to keep it. The head and body are forming.

3rd Month and counting…

First trimester was a breeze to me, slight weight gain (barely 1.5kg) and no morning sickness. I considered myself lucky to not have MS. I started shopping for infant clothing from GAP and looking out for loose clothing to hide my bump from friends, colleagues and relatives. Even my family members know about my pregnancy during the 3rd month after the down syndrome test.

During my first detailed scan, gynae told me my baby is going to be a boy. I was happy. Actually I preferred having a boy, and Kevin has no preference. I preferred having a boy. Don’t know why, I just think that younger sister should be protected by an elder brother.

Currently, in my 2nd Trimester - 5th mth(going to 3rd Trimester soon) I recalled and thought I was really selfish to think that way (during my first 2 months). I did not even think of how I can I be a good mother or what I should eat to make sure the baby is having enough nutrition (since I started out pregnancy underweight).

Now, I am still learning to overcome my fear of delivery. Still keeping track of my weight, I try to eat healthier food and ignore my cravings, however, diet is a no-no now. I am very excited about the delivery and hope that July will come faster, so I will pop and get back to my diet and exercise routines. I just can’t wait to see my baby boy. I often joked with Kevin saying that I hope that our baby will not have his big nose and single-eyelid. Kekeke… evil Cel is back in action.

As for motherhood, I think I should be more or less prepared. I don’t know. We shall see.